Five word reviews on every game I’ve ever played that I’ve thought of so far:

PC | 360 | PS3 | Wii | PSP | DS

Windows PC

  • Aetolia – online MUD, hard with 56k.
  • Age of Empires II – classic RTS game, surgery reward.
  • Age of Empires III – pretty modern update, not great.
  • Age of Wonders 2 – Heroes of Might and Magic.
  • APB – ill-fated cops and robbers MMO.
  • America’s Army – American propaganda. Fun, occasionally frustrating.
  • Alien Swarm – excellent free cooperative Steam game.
  • Aliens versus Predator – scariest game in 1999: facehuggers.
  • Aliens versus Predator 2 – excellent update, scared my friends.
  • Anno 1602 – quirky colonial sim with sheep.
  • Arcanum – fantasy from the Fallout developers.
  • ArmA 2 – complex fun, destroyed my PC.
  • Audiosurf – first ‘play your music’ game.
  • Avalon – beautifully detailed RPG, want more.
  • Avernum 3 – one man’s continually updated RPG.
  • Baldur’s Gate – first and best D&D RPG.
  • Baldur’s Gate II: Shadows of Amn – an essential update, absolutely wonderful.
  • Battlefield 1942 – the start of something great.
  • Battlefield 2 – first good modern combat game.
  • Battlefield 2: Modern Combat – a hilariously bad console port.
  • Battlefield 2142 – great, much overlooked Battlefield game.
  • Battlefield: Bad Company – first Battlefield with style, singleplayer.
  • Battlefield: Bad Company 2 – amazing. best sound, excellent multiplayer.
  • Battlefield Heroes – if TF2 was Battlefield. Light.
  • Battlefield Play4Free – Battlefield 2 returns as Heroes.
  • Battlefield Vietnam – Least balanced multiplayer, great music.
  • Battlestations: Midway – surprisingly good action game; Yamato.
  • Beat Hazard – most frenetic and seizure-inducing game.
  • Bejewled – glad I didn’t get hooked.
  • Bioshock – seminal shooter RPG, great concept.
  • Black and White – most literal god game, awesome.
  • Blitzkrieg II – historical accuracy makes me happy.
  • Bookworm Adventures – get it for your kid.
  • Borderlands – Diablo with guns, nice style.
  • Burnout Paradise – most satisfying crashes, great fun.
  • Call of Duty: Black Ops – interesting storyline, inescapably good multiplayer.
  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare – the start of the legend.
  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 – a smoother iteration upon MW1.
  • Call of Duty: World at War – it’s WW2 again. Oh, zombies!
  • Carmageddon 2 – my parents don’t know I played.
  • Civilization: Call to Power – the best clone ever, thank you.
  • Civilization II – how I wasted time years ago.
  • Civilization III – first nice looking civilization game.
  • Civilization IV – excellent expansions, longest multiplayer ever.
  • Civilization V – hexes make things great again.
  • Command and Conquer: Generals – hack into the internet, steal money.
  • Command and Conquer: Renegade – I disagree with bad reviews.
  • Command and Conquer: Red Alert – epic storyline, graphics now subpar.
  • Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2 – played this for so long.
  • Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3 – great co-op, but not 2.
  • Command and Conquer: Tiberian Dawn – the first one, not great.
  • Command and Conquer: Tiberian Sun – like Red Alert 2, yet…
  • Command and Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars – pretty fun, aliens are weird.
  • Command and Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight – seems a poor series end.
  • Company of Heroes – fantastic RTS, best WW2 ever.
  • Company of Heroes: Online – micropayments bring loss of dignity.
  • Cossacks: European Wars – my first RTS, six resources.
  • Cossacks II: Napoleonic Wars – better looking but worse playing.
  • Counter-Strike Source – I was never good enough.
  • Crysis – destroys your PC, free-form combat.
  • Crysis Warhead – somehow less graphically intensive, fun.
  • Dawn of Aces III – Fly through narrow hangars, yeah!
  • Defense Grid: The Awakening – tower defense has come far.
  • Descent 3 – you’ve got to escape the explosion.
  • Descent: Free Space – amazing alternative to Star Wars.
  • Descent: Free Space 2 – holy crap, massive capital ships!
  • Diablo – my Godly Plate of Whale.
  • Diablo II – digital crack, so much depth.
  • Dirt – rally racing: the most exciting.
  • Dirt 2 – DirectX 11 is unnecessary, awesome.
  • Disciples – eastern turn based strategy, cool.
  • Disciples II – like the first one, but graphics.
  • Doom 3 – monster closets, flashlights. Holy crap.
  • Dragon Age: Origins – best RPG for years, dude!
  • Driver – better than Grand Theft Auto.
  • Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind – massive gameworld, loads to see.
  • Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion – best looking RPG, loads to do.
  • Elemental: War of Magic – Stardock comes close to greatness.
  • Empire: Total War -
  • Empire Earth – like Civilization and AoE in one.
  • Empire Earth II -  a disappointment, very expensive.
  • EVE Online – the most unique successful MMO.
  • Fallout 1 – seminal, the first adult RPG.
  • Fallout 2 – even better, pop culture references.
  • Fallout 3 – best jump to 3D possible.
  • Fallout: New Vegas – Fallout 2 influence shows. Thanks!
  • Fallout: Tactics – surprisingly good for not Interplay.
  • Far Cry – weird story and great graphics.
  • Far Cry 2 – better story, better graphics, yet…
  • Football Manager 2006 – source of my football knowledge.
  • Football Manager 2010 – they’re getting good at this.
  • Football Manager Online – great fun, economy didn’t work.
  • Galactic Civilizations – 4X in space, time sink.
  • Galactic Civilizations II – like before, but even better.
  • Grand Theft Auto London – all I knew about London.
  • Grand Theft Auto III – 3D sandbox game, amazingly great.
  • Grand Theft Auto IV – best parts of previous games.
  • Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas – bicycles, character customization, very cool.
  • GRID – I want more like this.
  • Half-Life – first, best. Valve becomes legendary.
  • Half-Life 2 – Steam’s introduction, the game rocks.
  • Hardball 6 – amazing old baseball game, many hours.
  • Heroes of Might and Magic III – thank you Jordon. I appreciate.
  • Heroes of Might and Magic IV – a little better, less special.
  • Heroes of Might and Magic V – the magic is lost. No.
  • Halo: Combat Evolved – foolish AI, everything else works.
  • Halo 2 – top fun, doesn’t like XP.
  • Hellgate: London – like borderlands, but it failed.
  • Homeworld – Agnus Dei makes me cry.
  • Homeworld: Cataclysm – maybe my favourite game storyline.
  • Homeworld 2 – why are my ships grouped?
  • IL-2 Sturmovik: 1946 – thrillingly complex and lovingly handcrafted.
  • Independence War 2: The Edge of Chaos – best, most recent flight sim.
  • Left 4 Dead – best zombie game ever, probably.
  • Left 4 Dead 2 – a really good upgrade, melee!
  • Madden NFL 99 – Madden NFL sure is fun.
  • Madden NFL 08 – cor, the graphics have improved!
  • Madden NFL 09 – more graphics. more rosters. Eh.
  • Madden NFL 10 – now this is getting boring.
  • Mafia – fantastic little crime sandbox shooter.
  • Magic: The Gathering Online – very fun, much too expensive.
  • Magic: The Gathering Planeswalkers – free to play, old cards!
  • Mass Effect – wonderful space RPG, original IP!
  • Mass Effect 2 – the best kind of sequel.
  • MechWarrior 3 – critical hit. critical hit. critical…
  • MechWarrior 4: Vengeance – joystick needed many buttons. Great.
  • MechWarrior 4: Mercenaries – the best, sadly the last.
  • Medal of Honor – lovely beards, no substance. Disappointing.
  • Medieval II: Total War – solid entry, lovely world map.
  • Microsoft Flight Simulator 2004 – I can see my house!
  • Midtown Madness 2 – lots of fun, many memories.
  • NBA Live 95 – I really liked basketball games.
  • NBA Live 97 – Advertised poly counts. Great gameplay.
  • NBA Live 99 – played this one after 2000.
  • NBA Live 2000 – many hours spent. cheerleader videos.
  • Need for Speed: Carbon – pretty good, ultimately forgettable. formulaic.
  • Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit – Cops make all games better.
  • Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 – not as good as original.
  • Need for Speed: Most Wanted – Why is it brown? Fun.
  • Need for Speed: Porsche Unleashed – Let’s restrict ourselves to Porsches!
  • Need for Speed: ProStreet – the antithesis of Underground. Cool.
  • Need for Speed: Shift – professional racing action. In-car only!
  • Need for Speed: Underground – this series just got crazy.
  • Need for Speed: Underground 2 – the pimpest NFS game ever.
  • Need for Speed: World – fun for 20 levels, eh.
  • Need for Speed II – racing my brother’s mclaren. Ahh…
  • Neverwinter Nights – great RPG, wish I had Internet.
  • Neverwinter Nights 2 – nice sequel, yay for graphics.
  • NFL Blitz 2000 – Wrestling jump after every play.
  • Oni – It’s sending out a torrent..!
  • Operation Flashpoint: Dragon Rising – where’s the rest of it?
  • Oregon Trail II – school’s best feature, cultural legend.
  • Overlord – Having minions isn’t as fun.
  • Peggle – my first experience of addiction.
  • Peggle Nights – it’s like Peggle, but darker.
  • Planescape: Torment – the craziest interplay RPG. Wonderful.
  • Plants vs. Zombies – Popcap strikes again. Theme song.
  • Quake 4 – fun, but Stroggification was rough.
  • Real Lives 2010 – you died at age 2.
  • Red Faction – Before there was destruction 2.0…
  • Red Faction 2 – Insanely good shooter. Rail gun.
  • Red Orchestra – How do I… I died.
  • Rise of Nations: Rise of Legends – Best steampunk game for ages.
  • Risk – my first game ever. Wonderful.
  • Risk II – not as good as Risk I.
  • Rollercoaster Tycoon – Addictive, written in assembly. Whoa.
  • Rollercoaster Tycoon 2 – The awkward middle child. Aww.
  • Rollercoaster Tycoon 3 – Like the first, but 3D.
  • R.U.S.E. – if I had a surface…
  • Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri – four Civilization sequels, no Alpha Centauri?
  • Sid Meier’s Gettysbury! – Great historical fun, flanking hellps.
  • Sid Meier’s Pirates! – the best parts of pirating.
  • SimCity – top-down looks weird now.
  • SimCity 2000 – isometric view suits you, SimCity.
  • SimCity 3000 – awkward middle child, 2000′s better.
  • SimCity 4 – fitting end to the series.
  • SimCity Societies – unnatural zombie misses good parts.
  • SimCopter – made me love classical music.
  • SimTower – only game with Santa in.
  • The Sims – fun, but ultimately not satisfying.
  • The Sims 2 – better graphics, make more expansions.
  • The Sims 3 – better graphics, make more expansions.
  • Soldier of Fortune – bloody shooter, parents were unaware.
  • Spider-Man – web swingin’ is pretty fun!
  • Spider-Man 2 – spider-man once again, with feeling.
  • Spore – creature creator great, game lame.
  • S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Shadow of Chernobyl – quirky shooter, really feels alive.
  • Star Trek Online – it’s fun for a while.
  • Star Trek: Starship Creator – best Star Trek game, sadly.
  • Star Wars Dark Forces – another great series begins.
  • Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast – now you’re a proper Jedi.
  • Star Wars Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II – Dark Forces with the Force.
  • Star Wars Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy – Sadly you’re not Kyle Katarn.
  • Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic – best Star Wars RPG ever.
  • Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II – a close second, irritating bugs.
  • Star Wars: Republic Commando – Rainbox Six meets Star Wars.
  • Star Wars: Rogue Squadron – Fly spacecraft near the ground.
  • Star Wars: TIE Fighter – probably the best flight sim.
  • Star Wars: X-Wing Alliance – culmination of Star Wars sims.
  • Star Wars: X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter – would like a modern one.
  • Star Wars: X-Wing – introduced me to flight sims.
  • Star Wolves – funny 1C game in space.
  • StarCraft – best game ever. Korean e-sports.
  • StarCraft II – e-sports for the world.
  • Streets of SimCity – first person SimCity with guns.
  • Supreme Commander – if you hated Total Annihilation…
  • SWAT 4 – best shooter co-op, I think.
  • Tachyon: The Fringe – wow, this game was great.
  • Team Fortress 2 – continuously updated hat collection shooter.
  • Test Drive 6 – the cars floated and purred.
  • Test Drive Off-Road 2 – This game was hard, satisfying.
  • Test Drive Unlimited – Very cool concept, I like.
  • Tetris – I won’t explain this one.
  • Theme Hospital – made-up medical conditions breed hilarity.
  • Titan Quest – deep like Diablo, in Greece.
  • Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter – long name and middling gameplay.
  • Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter 2 – slightly better and slightly longer.
  • Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six – the original tactical squad shooter.
  • Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Vegas 2 – the formula still works well.
  • Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell: Conviction – Great style and cool moves.
  • Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2 – skating is best in games.
  • Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3 – like 2, but more, better.
  • Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4 – the peak of skating titles.
  • Torchlight – Diablo without multiplayer is useless.
  • Total Annihilation – wasn’t my thing, majority agree.
  • Trackmania United Forever – nations plus cars minus free.
  • Trackmania Nations Forever – best free online racing game.
  • Tribes – first game I played LAN.
  • Tribes 2 – crazy good videos were made.
  • Triple Play 2000 – I only achieved it once.
  • Tropico – great music, interesting sim. Cuba!
  • Tropico 3 – great graphics, still great music.
  • Typing of the Dead – intense shooter, somehow. Classic game.
  • Unreal Tournament 2000 – LAN party staple, great weapons.
  • Unreal Tournament 2003 – Epic, why didn’t you wait?
  • Unreal Tournament 2004 – Ah, now that’s better. Fantastic.
  • Unreal Tournament III – pile of fail and grease.
  • WarCraft II – Blizzard’s first good RTS, symmetrical.
  • WarCraft III – StarCraft plus a race, 3D.
  • World of WarCraft – strongest part of PC gaming.
  • Warhammer 40K: Dawn of War II – fun co-op campaign, cool multiplayer.
  • The Witcher – Eastern European RPG charms again.
  • World in Conflict – tanks felt too small, somehow.
  • The Yukon Trail – gotta make it to Alaska!

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Microsoft Xbox 360

  • Call of Duty: Black Ops – slower than the PC version.
  • Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion – lack of modding hurts here.
  • Forza Motorsport 2 – demanding, realistic and fun racer
  • Forza Motorsport 3 – infinite rewind makes it alone
  • Left 4 Dead 2 – zombie survival is still fun
  • Madden NFL 10 – great; scared to go online

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Sony PS3

  • 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa – you can play as Malawi.
  • Assassin’s Creed 2 – jumping into piles of hay.
  • Batman: Arkham Asylum – too good for a licensed game.
  • Bayonetta – amazingly ridiculous and ostentatious. Wonderful.
  • Dead Space – Speakers up, lights out. Terror.
  • FIFA 10 – fluid movement makes a difference.
  • Fight Night Round 4 – Play as Obama or Hitler.
  • Gran Turismo 5 – poor: AI, grinding, sound. Excellent.
  • Grand Theft Auto IV – hey cousin, let’s go bowling!
  • Heavy Rain – Frantic waggling action, fantastic story.
  • LittleBigPlanet – my girlfriend’s favourite. Talented community.
  • MAG – old PC game, 4x players.
  • Midnight Club: Los Angeles – one of the best for cruisin’.
  • Red Faction: Guerrilla – Destroy anything with an ostrich.
  • SoulCalibur IV – don’t understand complaints about IV.
  • Star Wars: The Force Unleashed – satisfying, until that one part.
  • Tekken 6 – Same as before, still great.
  • Tiger Woods PGA Tour 10 – best way to watch/play golf.
  • Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune – cracking adventure game, thanks guys.

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Nintendo Wii

  • Guitar Hero World Tour – Why are the controllers inside?
  • WarioWare: Smooth Moves – five seconds, five different positions.
  • Wii Sports – Waggling at its finest, yeah!

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Sony PSP

  • Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII – Needs more cutscenes, clearly. Ah.
  • Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories – surprised this works so well!
  • MLB 09: The Show – career mode takes ages, perfect.
  • Patapon – Pon, pon, patapon! Pon, pon…
  • Tekken: Dark Resurrection – best fighting game on handheld.
  • Twisted Metal: Head On – great multiplayer, faithful series update.

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Nintendo DS

  • Advance Wars: Dark Conflict – let’s make it dark and realistic.
  • Advance Wars: Dual Strike – the high point of Advance Wars.
  • Mario Kart DS – easier multiplayer means best version.
  • Pokemon HeartGold – amazing, Pokemon’s latest encourages exercise!
  • Professor Layton and the Curious Village – charming puzzler, legitimate merit here.

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